Chicken. Wings. Sexism.

With the scent of chicken in the air, games blasting in the background, we joined our new friend for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. 

We weren’t in Silicon Valley. The startup ecosystem in Cincinnati was just beginning to blossom. Accelerators were popping up left and right, entrepreneurs were gathering, the pioneer spirit was palpable. I felt I belonged for the very first time. And since Cincinnati was new to me, I was excited to befriend a fellow founder whose start-up was a few steps ahead of mine. While brutal in his delivery, I appreciated his honesty and wanted nothing more than someone to show me the ropes and illuminate the path ahead.

When the waiter brought the first round of drinks we were already sharing about the struggles of running our businesses. Then as smoothly as he downed his beer, his words poured out, “I would never invest in a woman. They’re too emotional.”

Gulp.

I wasn’t asking for money. He didn’t have any. And that’s not what this dinner was about. I leaned in for clarification, “So, you wouldn't invest in me even though you know me?”

“No,” he casually repeated, “Women are too emotional to run a company.” Even through the cacophony of sports commentators and commercials, I heard his message loud and clear. 

Unfortunately, his brutal words did in fact illuminate the path ahead of me. Different voices, same shade. Like when I was told, “I’m glad you don’t have kids. When you have kids your priorities shift and you’re not as focused on work.” And the not-so-subtle, “When will your husband be the CEO?” I became acutely aware that gender would play a factor in my career. And that these kinds of messages weren’t just ahead of me, but also behind. Like when I was told being interested in boys would ruin my focused pursuit of a basketball scholarship. That this space (sport, industry, job) was not built for me.

The comments added up, crept in, and formed beliefs. I believed my emotions were a disadvantage, my ability to focus on one task at a time was a downside and how I looked was of the utmost importance. I doubted my ability to run a business. Worse, I doubted my worth. 

Years have gone by since that deflating dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. Navigating gender in my career has been far more calculated than I would have ever imagined. But the critics and naysayers that once fueled my desire to give up, are now my reason to keep going. 

The pursuit has not been perfect. I still occasionally waver around people in power. But after a decade in startup culture, I’ve learned to love the things I’ve been taught to hate about myself and have abandoned the goal of trying to be who they said I should be. 

Here’s my message:  If you’re a fellow woman with a pioneer spirit, know that running your business will not look the same as your male counterparts, nor should it. That doesn’t make you crazy. It makes you delightfully different.