To Mothers

Let me begin by offering a heartfelt apology to all mothers, starting with my own.

Here's my message:

Thank you.

For the sleepless nights and early mornings.

For giving more than I could ever repay.

For granting me life and ensuring my survival.

Thank you.

People often say that being a mom is the toughest job they've ever had. I never doubted it, but it's hard to grasp until you experience it yourself. It's like reading about climbing Everest — you can only understand so much until you realize you know nothing about the actual climb.

Motherhood is challenging.

It tests you physically, emotionally, and mentally. There's no other experience where you give so much of yourself, only to be met with challenges — including being literally, physically bitten. But there are moments. I'm not just talking about the cuddles, but the deep, heart-wrenching love that makes you realize your heart no longer belongs to you. As someone who's never been a "baby person," I felt compelled to share my experience and reflections from my first few months as a new mom in hopes that it helps another.

This too shall pass.

Enduring late nights or early mornings for a flight occasionally is manageable, but experiencing it consistently over an extended period is a special kind of challenge. I found that having strategies to cope, such as listening to a podcast or reading a book during those 3 a.m. feedings, was essential for maintaining my sanity. Simply gazing at a wall is not recommended. Rest assured, you will survive. Late nights. Early mornings. This too shall pass.

You can leave the house.

If you're not a homebody, having a baby won't change that. I found it essential to get out at least once a day, even for a short walk. The tiniest actions matter.

Be aware of the "baby blues."

I naively thought I was prepared for postpartum depression, but I wasn't aware of the so-called "baby blues." Until I found myself crying easily at dusk, and feeling incredibly sad, I worried something was seriously wrong with me. As it turns out, having another human can seriously mess with your emotional state. What I was experiencing was normal "baby blues," which are much less pleasant than they sound. For reference: The "baby blues" is a term used to describe a common, temporary emotional state that many new mothers experience shortly after giving birth. It typically occurs within the first few days or weeks after delivery and can last up to a couple of weeks. The baby blues are characterized by mood swings, feelings of sadness, irritability, anxiety, and being easily overwhelmed. These feelings are thought to be caused by a combination of hormonal changes, physical exhaustion, and the emotional adjustments that come with caring for a newborn. The baby blues are generally mild and resolve on their own without any specific treatment. However, if symptoms persist or become more severe, it may be a sign of postpartum depression, which requires medical attention and support.

This isn't your entire life.

Let me first acknowledge the astonishing wonder of women being able to sustain another human life. Take a moment to truly grasp the mind-blowing nature of this fact. With that heartwarming thought in mind, let's discuss how utterly draining and overwhelming the task of feeding a baby every 2-3 hours can be. While it's nothing short of a miracle, it certainly complicates daily planning. Rest assured, though, that this phase is fleeting, and life will eventually return to normal.

You did it.

When you create another human being you don’t have to do anything else. Because you did it! Any added stress is for the birds. You heard it here: there is no required activity between feedings. 

He’s a dad.

Prepare yourself for a streak of rage when your partner gets over-the-top compliments for doing seemingly regular tasks, like changing a diaper. Note to people with ears everywhere: he's not performing an exceptional act; he's simply fulfilling his role as a dad. It’s nice, but let’s keep it in check people.

You're both human.

The amount of conflicting advice you'll receive from medical professionals is astounding and slightly concerning — but I digress. The crying or the fussiness can be overwhelming but more so when other voices are impeding on your thoughts. Trust your own voice and pay attention to your baby's needs. But most of all remember that your baby is a human, just like you. 

Navigating guilt.

There's mom guilt, and then there's guilt for moms. The latter is much scarier. As a new mom, you'll be bombarded with advice — most of which you should ignore. Don’t let the advice monsters eat you alive. Part of what makes navigating being a new mom hard is that you’ve never done it before. You haven’t built the reps yet to find your own way. Trust, knowing that you will. It just takes time.

I'm uncertain whether the hesitancy to discuss the challenges of being a new mom stems from the worry of deterring others from having children, appearing unappreciative as mothers, or being in sheer survival mode. But amidst the joys of raising a child, we often forget the difficulties. This is exactly why I wrote this letter 5 years ago, just a month after giving birth, and am only now sharing it with the world.

It’s like I knew what was coming, that the nights would turn into days and days into years, and soon with a 5-year-old boy by my side, I wouldn’t be able to recite the hard parts.

But that’s the beauty of writing. So today, I’m sharing what I knew so clearly then but have long since forgotten, it only takes one story to make each of us feel a little less alone.