The Road to Recovery

Recovery. The period between an operation and getting back on your feet. Followed by the mind trick of feeling ready to run because the pain is no longer debilitating, but still walking with a limp. Pining for a fully functioning future.

I know this road all too well. Basketball may have paid for my college education, but the two knee surgeries and months of physical therapy proved it was not without a cost.

After ten months of emotional and financial toil over a business dispute, I could not wait to jump into a new season. Light my pumpkin spice candle and begin anew. Get back in the game. But hope left when every preschool germ passed through my son’s little body and into our home.

Nights at the hospital, days in piles of Kleenex, and hours crouched over the toilet. Even with the joys of life sprinkled in, for weeks we were simply surviving.

When the ground beneath us shakes, it takes a minute to find our footing. 

Recovery takes time and self-compassion. Grace and space. It requires commitment and follow-through. Showing up for physical therapy sessions, though inconvenient. Taking all ten days of meds though I feel better on day four. Trust me, bypassing the uncomfortable feelings of recovery inevitably comes back to bite. 

I've been learning what it looks like to let go of expectations for what to feel and how to function.

Soon enough a new season will reveal itself. Grounded and sure-footed, I’ll find my rhythm once again. But for now, I relish in the in-between. 

Recovering.