Drowning In Sweat Equity

A bad joke about my serious doggy paddling skills launched Amy and me into a riveting conversation about how I was never formally taught how to swim. She started telling me stories from her old lifeguarding days, and I couldn’t help but hear the striking resemblance to my life as a founder. 

She described the phenomenon that people who start struggling in the water often, counterproductively, try even harder. The harder they fight, the worse it gets. In her lifeguarding scenarios, she would tell the kids a story or sing a song to help them relax in the water. Relaxing was the key to unlocking the ability to float. 

The fundamentals of swimming sounded all too familiar to my experience running a company. In fact, I’d lost count of the times I struggled to stay afloat—a panicked effort to find the right marketing channel to attract new users, send numerous emails to drive a single sale, or attempt to force growth with paid ads. 

Even beyond business, I bought into the myth that by virtue of working harder I could somehow control the outcomes of my life. 

The older I get the more time I spend retraining the bad habits of my early entrepreneurial days. Recently, an investor told me that when he too would feel the water rising from his “trying harder,” his wife would recognize it. She had learned to call him out by asking one simple question. 

“How is that working for you?” 

When it comes to fight, flight, or freeze, fight has always been my defense of choice. If it’s hard, I must fight harder. If it’s not working, I must work harder. This mentality occasionally resulted in financial gain, but it always resulted in complete and utter burnout. A place where I’m not only drowning in sweat equity myself, but I also pull under the poor soul who dives in to save me. 

After years of treading harder, stronger, and longer, and then sinking to the bottom, I’ve become conscious of my natural default. Now I intentionally force myself to do what feels unnatural—relax. It works by doing things like starting my day late rather than early. Taking a long walk or listening to a podcast rather than working into the long night hours. I’m far from perfect, with plenty of relapses, but I’m learning to swim with skill. When I’m relaxed—breathing easy, or “floating,” as one may say—that’s when I gain clarity and find the best next step.